Penelope's First BIRTHday!

I don't know where to even begin.  I kind of feel like I am in a haze.  How did a year go by?  How did I get here already?

I started crying yesterday when everyone was singing Happy Birthday to Penelope at Baby Time at the library, like a dork.  I couldn't help it.  I have never sung Happy Birthday to her before, it's her very first birthday. Ever.

I am not sure why exactly her birthday has me so emotional.  I know that I have so much more wonderful things to look forward to, but it also feels like a door closing.  The end of her babyhood.  Her babyhood, that I will never, ever get back. 

Someone once told me that post partum lasts three years, and one of the reasons it lasts that long is because it actually takes three years to process the event of giving birth and transforming into being a mother.  When your baby arrives, the old you dies, and a new you ascends from the ashes.  Pieces of the old you may still be there, but they are buried deep, gestating for the next phase your life when they may come back to serve you.  The new you, may still look like you, but you are different and you can never go back.  It can take some time getting used to wearing your new mama shoes, they may feel funny at first, but eventually you get comfortable in them and get your stride back, even if you are not the same person.

Penelope has changed so much this year, and so have I.  I have come such a long way as far as cooking and nutrition goes, among other things. I still have much to learn, but I am proud of the new me.  I can't believe I used to be a vegetarian and that I used to think that was the "healthy" way to eat and that by being a vegetarian I was being environmentally responsible!  I look back at the vegetarian I was in college, and think "what a silly girl!!"  Not trying to nock vegetarians, just noting that my diet is one the biggest things that has changed so much.  If you are vegetarian, please check out  the Weston A. Price Foundation.

I never thought I would do EC, or not do a single vaccination (I thought I would do selective and delayed, but once I laid eyes on Penelope, I knew I didn't want a needle to come near her, ever.)

I thought that Penelope's birth would require me to muster all the survival skills and courage I had within me, I never realized that it would be her post partum, her baby hood, that would require those things from me.  I can not believe I have pumped for an entire year.  I hope to go another year, at minimum another 6 months.

This year has been the happiest/hardest year of my life.  I can't believe a year has gone by.  Just one year ago I was pushing her out and pulling her up into my arms.  I am thankful beyond words that I was able to stay home this year and just be with my daughter and not miss a single moment.

I wonder what the next year will bring.  Year 2 of post partum land.   Maybe Penelope will sleep through the night before she turns 2?  A Mama can dream.

 HAPPY BIRTHDAY PENELOPE!!  My beautiful, beautiful girl.

Here are some birth and brand new post partum pictures:

One More Day of Baby

I just got done baking my baby a cake.  I have one more day of having a baby. 

This time last year,  I was having a very lazy, relaxed day.  The most I remember from that day, is taking a long walk.  I remember I could hear every little noise in the woods on my walk, every squirrel and bird, every rustle of the leaves and trees.  Everything seemed bright.   My awareness seemed to be heightened.  At the same time, I had given up on waiting and my awareness of waiting had gone away. I forgot that I could go into labor at any moment. The previous few days, I was very preoccupied with when labor was going to start.  On this day, the day labor began, I wasn't thinking about it at all.

A few days before, on Saturday we went to Calvary, Ga for Mule Day.  Our friend has a country house out there with 25 acres and we go to this house every year this time. We went on several hikes on his property, all the while I was having contractions.  I kept thinking, is this the night?  Will I wake up in the middle of the night tonight and will labor start?  We went on a bumpy, hayride that made the contractions intense! I thought for sure labor was going to start that night!

Nope.

I guess technically labor did start that night, pre-labor, early labor, prodromial, whatever you want to call it.  I had contractions Saturday night till about 2am when I finally fell asleep.  I wanted Penelope to come that night so bad, so my friend Molly would be there and be my Doula.

Molly had to leave the next morning,  we helped her pack up her things and then we went to the mall to walk and walk and walk.  All the while having contractions, but as soon as I laid down or took a bath they went away.  That night I went out with friends and had a great time.  My back ached the whole night, like bad period cramps.  I thought for sure Sunday night was going to be the night!

Nope.

Monday, my due date, a hurricane was coming through. I thought, great! A low, pressure system will get me going!!  What does Peter want to do?  He wants to go surfing in Panama City Beach.  So I thought, shit, well I haven't got anything else to do, might as well go and take my mind off impending labor.

The car ride there, I had painful contractions the whole time, must have been the way I was sitting in the car,  that made Penelope's head press against my cervix and sacrum.  Once at the beach, I stood and watched Peter surf and they went away.  All the surfers coming and going stared at my ginormous belly and asked when my due date was.  When I replied, today, they laughed and asked if my husband was in the water surfing.  Yup, he was.  If you are a surfer in North Florida, you know you gotta get the waves when the gettin's good, because who knows when the next swell will come through.

On the way home, I thought my water broke, looking back, I am pretty sure I just peed my pants a little.  But it was exciting!  Things were moving along in the right direction!  The contractions got even more painful.  I kept thinking, if I have to give birth in the car in between Panama City and Tallahassee, I am going to freaking kill Peter.    I needed something to cope with the pain, and listening to Outkast was what I wanted.  Their ATLiens album,  the song Millennium to be exact.  I wanted to listen to it over and over and over again.  I think its pretty funny that this specific song is what I wanted to listen to, because that song used to be one of my favorites in 10th grade, when I get stoned with my high school sweetheart.  Whatever.   It worked.

When we got home, I took bath and then again, NOTHING.

By Tuesday, I was O.V. E. R. it.  I had given up.  I had surrendered control.  And sure enough, that is all it took.  

You can read the rest of my birth story here.  And here are few early labor pictures. These are from Saturday night after coming home from Calvary.

Peter settin' up the birth tub!

We had to empty the water the next day, but it was convenient to have it set up in the living room for a few days, because when labor really began all Peter had to do was fill er up!

Oh so pregnant and ready.  Drinking my red raspberry leaf tea.

Last Penelope pregnancy belly shot ever.

Virtual Book Club: Unconditional Parenting, Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason

This book has Blown. My. Mind.

I feel so blessed to have read this book BEFORE Penelope started doing behaviors that would have led me to do positive reinforcement or time-outs to try and change her behavior. Reading it, made me feel sick to my stomach, as I thought back to all the times I said "good job" to Ava and Ella (the girls I was a nanny to for years) and put them in time-out. I knew that spanking was off the table, but before reading this book, I thought time-outs, done a kind and respectful way was perfectly acceptable. By using punishments and rewards, I was conveying to them that I only loved them when they pleased me or impressed me or did what I asked, when I asked. I had no idea how much damage I was doing and I feel awful.

But as a friend of mine put it when talking about vaccines, "when you know better you do better."

I am going to do better with Penelope. And I invite you to read this book to do better to. Even if you have a much older child, even a teenager (even if your child is an adult for that matter!), its never too late to make a change and be a better parent.

Below is not my writing but a mix of excerpts from the book and summaries found online:

Most advice for parents begins with the question...How can we get kids to do what they're told? -- and then proceeds to offer various techniques for controlling them.

In his landmark book Unconditional Parenting (and in his DVD) Alfie Kohn begins instead by asking, What are our long-term goals for our children? It follows that we need to work WITH them, rather than doing things TO them, in order to reach those goals.

Kohn argues that punishments (including time-outs) and rewards (including positive reinforcement, like saying "Good job!") may sometimes produce temporary compliance, but they do nothing to help kids grow into responsible, caring, ethical, happy people. Moreover, he suggests that permissiveness is less worrisome than a fear of permissiveness that leads us to over control our children. Kohn offers ten important guidelines to help viewers reconnect to their own best instincts as parents.


If you are practicing Attachment Parenting, this is a must read. So much of the Attachment Parenting guidelines are in place to help you have a strong and loving relationship with your child, so that your child feels unconditionally loved. Because unconditionally loved children grow up to be responsible, ethical, caring, happy adults.  But as they get older, we may loose some of our Attachment Parenting foundations because every single parenting book out there is telling us to do time outs and grounding and that maintaining control is the utmost priority.

This book totally turned me on my head and showed me another way. I knew I wanted to be a different parent than how I was parented, but I wasn't exactly sure what that looked like. I knew I was going to be an Attached Parent, but I didn't know what that looked like past infancy.

I am so excited about this book that I want to share it with you. It has changed the course of my parenting journey and I invite you to change yours.

Join me in a virtual book club! Start reading Unconditional Parenting at any time and join in on the discussion here starting December 10, 2010.

Sunday Surf 11.7.10

Awesome post about the importance of NOT telling horror birth stories to pregnant women AND telling magical birth stories to your children. Penelope will turn 1 in less than a week and I plan to start a tradition of telling her magical birth story to her on her birthday.

My parents gifted Penelope an old wooden rocking horse as an early birthday present. I had a similar one as child, but this one came from a garage sale. Although its in pretty good condition, it ain't the prettiest thing in the world. And then I saw THIS and knew exactly what I was going to do to it. Fab rocking horse re-do coming right up!

I thought this was pretty funny. Who knew that Will Smith, Andrien Grenier and Leonardo DiCaprio are all uncircumcised? I think that is good information to know!

Enjoy the rest of your beautiful Sunday!

For more Sunday Surfing, visit Gems of Delight, Enjoy Birth, Breastfeeding Moms Unite, Domesticated Women, This Adventure Life, Maman A Droit, Hobo Mama and Baby Dust Diaries.

This Moment 11.5.10

This is Penelope's jean jacket from last spring,size 3-6 months. I left it hanging up all summer because I couldn't bare to take it down, even though it stopped fitting her such a long time ago. I finally had to take it down and replace with a 2T jean jacket, but snapped a picture first.

Penelope's 12 Month Portraits!!

No yoga post today, too much going on with exams and 1st birthday around the corner, so instead, her 12 month portraits!!

We went to the pumpkin patch to have them done and they came out awesome! 

Click here for the slide show.

Enjoy!

P.S. We used Robin Adams Photography.

Cranberry Pork Roast

This is a such a yummy way to do a pork roast in the slow cooker. And such an easy freezer meal.


Here is a picture of the final product all lined up, labeled and ready to go in freezer!


Here is the recipe I modified.  I went the fresh cranberries route.

This is a picture of the roast I made right away. You just dump the pork roast in the slow cooker and the cranberry sauce on top. That is it!

For the freezer bags you do the same thing, dump it all in and seal it up!


This is a really yummy meal that freezes well, the only thing I would do different next time is double the amount of cranberry relish.