Happy Labor Day! Birth Story Update.

My dear friend, Lindsey, over at Mother Rising, a super fabulous, pregnancy and birth blog, is hosting a link up carnival of birth story posts in honor of Labor Day.  She also asked a couple of questions to supplement any original birth story link ups.  Me being the over achiever that I am, I thought I would answer all four of her questions.  And I didn't really have anything planned to post today, so there's that too.

Robin Adams Photography

What was my most brilliant moment?

  Hmmm, this one was kind of tough.  I honestly, think I was mightily bad ass the whole time.  I had no doula (stupid, stupid, stupid). My midwife, midwife assistant and husband were all pretty much asleep the whole time, as I labored alone.  Which is exactly how I wanted it, I am just saying, I didn't have someone telling me how awesome I was the whole time or really witnessing my awesomeness.  But I think my most brillant moment, is when I was in the water, totally relaxed, coping perfectly with each contraction, even getting a little rest.  I had this epiphany, that if I stayed here, I would labor like this for hours and hours making progress, but very slowly.  I made the decision, to get up out of the water. I hurled myself out of the water and made my way to the toilet.   It hurt a whole hell of a lot more, but I knew that I could either sit there and play it safe or get out and get this show on the road. I met my fear of more pain, head on, and decided to walk straight through it.

What is one thing my partner did that really made a difference?

 I really liked when he played my crystal bowl for me.  It was pretty amazing, whenever he played it, the pain was much more bearable.

What is my favorite moment?

45 minutes after my first contraction, in the bath tub, when I realized, this. is. happening.

What was one moment of holy terror I had and how did I get through it?

 When my water broke and I saw some green aminotic fluid.  I panicked for a moment, but I was able to very quickly tap back into my authentic self and check in with my inuition and I knew everything was fine.

You can read the rest of my birth story here.  

Here is a post about the couple days before labor started.  Here are some pictures of labor and birth.  And some pictures of Penelope's first day.

I would LOVE to hear more about your labor awesomeness, so answer one of Lindsey's questions in the comment section for me!

By Best Kids Health Blog

Pregnancy and Birth Round Up

Pregnancy

• Bikini Wax Initiation
• Mother Blessing
• Benefits of Pregnancy Massage
• Big Babies
• 30 weeks!
• Last Night I Dreamt I Gave Birth to a Puppy
• Over Half Way!
• Feeling Penelope Move
• We Picked A Name!
• Why are Heidi Klum's Ankle's NOT Swollen??
• Farts and Yoga
• Best Facial Ever
• Big Butt
• It's a Girl!
• 1 in 4
• First Appointment with our Midwife
• Two Pink Lines!
• Is Massage Therapy OK for High Risk Pregnancy?
• Pregnancy Belly Memory Lane
• Why You Should go to a Pregnancy Yoga Class
• This Time Last Year
• Waiting For Labor

Birth

• Penelope's Birth Story (End of the 4th Trimester)
• The Birth Wars
• Wait to Cut the Cord
• How Do You Birth From Within

Penelope's First BIRTHday!

I don't know where to even begin.  I kind of feel like I am in a haze.  How did a year go by?  How did I get here already?

I started crying yesterday when everyone was singing Happy Birthday to Penelope at Baby Time at the library, like a dork.  I couldn't help it.  I have never sung Happy Birthday to her before, it's her very first birthday. Ever.

I am not sure why exactly her birthday has me so emotional.  I know that I have so much more wonderful things to look forward to, but it also feels like a door closing.  The end of her babyhood.  Her babyhood, that I will never, ever get back. 

Someone once told me that post partum lasts three years, and one of the reasons it lasts that long is because it actually takes three years to process the event of giving birth and transforming into being a mother.  When your baby arrives, the old you dies, and a new you ascends from the ashes.  Pieces of the old you may still be there, but they are buried deep, gestating for the next phase your life when they may come back to serve you.  The new you, may still look like you, but you are different and you can never go back.  It can take some time getting used to wearing your new mama shoes, they may feel funny at first, but eventually you get comfortable in them and get your stride back, even if you are not the same person.

Penelope has changed so much this year, and so have I.  I have come such a long way as far as cooking and nutrition goes, among other things. I still have much to learn, but I am proud of the new me.  I can't believe I used to be a vegetarian and that I used to think that was the "healthy" way to eat and that by being a vegetarian I was being environmentally responsible!  I look back at the vegetarian I was in college, and think "what a silly girl!!"  Not trying to nock vegetarians, just noting that my diet is one the biggest things that has changed so much.  If you are vegetarian, please check out  the Weston A. Price Foundation.

I never thought I would do EC, or not do a single vaccination (I thought I would do selective and delayed, but once I laid eyes on Penelope, I knew I didn't want a needle to come near her, ever.)

I thought that Penelope's birth would require me to muster all the survival skills and courage I had within me, I never realized that it would be her post partum, her baby hood, that would require those things from me.  I can not believe I have pumped for an entire year.  I hope to go another year, at minimum another 6 months.

This year has been the happiest/hardest year of my life.  I can't believe a year has gone by.  Just one year ago I was pushing her out and pulling her up into my arms.  I am thankful beyond words that I was able to stay home this year and just be with my daughter and not miss a single moment.

I wonder what the next year will bring.  Year 2 of post partum land.   Maybe Penelope will sleep through the night before she turns 2?  A Mama can dream.

 HAPPY BIRTHDAY PENELOPE!!  My beautiful, beautiful girl.

Here are some birth and brand new post partum pictures:

One More Day of Baby

I just got done baking my baby a cake.  I have one more day of having a baby. 

This time last year,  I was having a very lazy, relaxed day.  The most I remember from that day, is taking a long walk.  I remember I could hear every little noise in the woods on my walk, every squirrel and bird, every rustle of the leaves and trees.  Everything seemed bright.   My awareness seemed to be heightened.  At the same time, I had given up on waiting and my awareness of waiting had gone away. I forgot that I could go into labor at any moment. The previous few days, I was very preoccupied with when labor was going to start.  On this day, the day labor began, I wasn't thinking about it at all.

A few days before, on Saturday we went to Calvary, Ga for Mule Day.  Our friend has a country house out there with 25 acres and we go to this house every year this time. We went on several hikes on his property, all the while I was having contractions.  I kept thinking, is this the night?  Will I wake up in the middle of the night tonight and will labor start?  We went on a bumpy, hayride that made the contractions intense! I thought for sure labor was going to start that night!

Nope.

I guess technically labor did start that night, pre-labor, early labor, prodromial, whatever you want to call it.  I had contractions Saturday night till about 2am when I finally fell asleep.  I wanted Penelope to come that night so bad, so my friend Molly would be there and be my Doula.

Molly had to leave the next morning,  we helped her pack up her things and then we went to the mall to walk and walk and walk.  All the while having contractions, but as soon as I laid down or took a bath they went away.  That night I went out with friends and had a great time.  My back ached the whole night, like bad period cramps.  I thought for sure Sunday night was going to be the night!

Nope.

Monday, my due date, a hurricane was coming through. I thought, great! A low, pressure system will get me going!!  What does Peter want to do?  He wants to go surfing in Panama City Beach.  So I thought, shit, well I haven't got anything else to do, might as well go and take my mind off impending labor.

The car ride there, I had painful contractions the whole time, must have been the way I was sitting in the car,  that made Penelope's head press against my cervix and sacrum.  Once at the beach, I stood and watched Peter surf and they went away.  All the surfers coming and going stared at my ginormous belly and asked when my due date was.  When I replied, today, they laughed and asked if my husband was in the water surfing.  Yup, he was.  If you are a surfer in North Florida, you know you gotta get the waves when the gettin's good, because who knows when the next swell will come through.

On the way home, I thought my water broke, looking back, I am pretty sure I just peed my pants a little.  But it was exciting!  Things were moving along in the right direction!  The contractions got even more painful.  I kept thinking, if I have to give birth in the car in between Panama City and Tallahassee, I am going to freaking kill Peter.    I needed something to cope with the pain, and listening to Outkast was what I wanted.  Their ATLiens album,  the song Millennium to be exact.  I wanted to listen to it over and over and over again.  I think its pretty funny that this specific song is what I wanted to listen to, because that song used to be one of my favorites in 10th grade, when I get stoned with my high school sweetheart.  Whatever.   It worked.

When we got home, I took bath and then again, NOTHING.

By Tuesday, I was O.V. E. R. it.  I had given up.  I had surrendered control.  And sure enough, that is all it took.  

You can read the rest of my birth story here.  And here are few early labor pictures. These are from Saturday night after coming home from Calvary.

Peter settin' up the birth tub!

We had to empty the water the next day, but it was convenient to have it set up in the living room for a few days, because when labor really began all Peter had to do was fill er up!

Oh so pregnant and ready.  Drinking my red raspberry leaf tea.

Last Penelope pregnancy belly shot ever.

Current Giveaway: BINSI Labor and Birth Apparel!

I am giving away a Black PrimaMama Skirt in M, (6-10) AND a Black Go-Go Top in S/M (6-10)!

As a Doula with the majority of my clients having hospital births, I always hated seeing moms in the ugly hospital gowns. They make a gorgeous pregnant mama, about to give birth, look dowdy and tired. They also somehow give an air of defeat to the mother.  My clients that have brought their own pretty nightgown to labor and give birth in, feel more confident and usually are in better moods and happier throughout their labor. They seem to do better in labor, because they feel good about themselves and their body.

I used to sell BINSI, when I had the studio and boutique, and have been a fan of the company for awhile. The skirt and top I am giving away, was actually planned for Penelope's birth. But then I gained a whopping 65 pounds (which I have shed, thank you very much). My boobs, belly and butt had taken on a life of their own and I couldn't fit into a size medium to save my life. Kimberly Taylor, the owner of BINSI, was kind enough to send me a skirt and top in a larger size. However, my when my labor started it STARTED! I took a bath at the very beginning of my labor to see if the contractions would slow down or if it was the real deal. By the time I got out of the bath, 45 minutes later, I was in full labor, vomiting, water breaking, thinking I was going to die, you know, labor.  I never put clothes back on the rest of my labor! I had them all ready to go in my birth basket, but I was naked the entire time and never got to wear my fabulous BINSI skirt and top. But I will try to wear them again with our next baby!

So to enter, tell me what you wore in labor to make you feel wonderful, or what you had wished you had wore, in the comment section.  Did you wear a bracelet or necklace from a Mother Blessing?  Share the giveaway on facebook by clicking "like" below, or tweet the giveaway, then leave another comment each time letting us know for an additional entry. Entries will close at midnight August 11th (Penelope's 9 month birthday!) and a winner will be randomly selected.

End of the 4th Trimester

End of the 4th Trimester

I can tell things are changing in my body as the end of this trimester has come to an end. For one, my skin is breaking out like it did when I first became pregnant and was adjusting to being pregnant, but now I am adjusting to NOT being pregnant. My brain is a bit more clear, I can focus on more things ( but not much more) other than when my daughter ate last, when I pumped last and how times she pooed in a 24 hour period. Even though I haven't slept a 3 or 4 hour stretch in three months, except for once when she was 5 weeks old and she slept for 6 hours and I woke up like a whole new person, I am less tired than I was in the early days....I must just be getting used to the lack of sleep. I read once that a new mom gulps sleep like a fish out of water gulps for air-it is exactly how I feel. Most days, all I can think about is when I get to lay down next.

Penelope arrived on 11.11.09 at 2:46a. I started labor at 7:30p on the 10th, so a 7 hour labor total. Not bad right? Well, if you count the three previous stints of labor that lasted about 6 hours each, its a grand total 25 hours.

When it finally started on the 10th, it STARTED.

There was no early labor for me, no walking around the house and baking cookies. The first contraction came right after I had settled into the couch with dinner on my lap (or rather my huge belly) to watch a movie with Peter. After a couple of them, I started to have a conversation with my body...it went like this: "ok, body, no more messing around. If you are gonna give me painful contractions again, you better mean business. I am not doing another 6 hours of contractions only to have them go away again. I am sick of this shit."

Another 20 minutes go by and I decide to go take a bath. Previously, when I had contractions, as soon as I would lay down to go to sleep or take a bath they would go away. So I thought might as well get them to go away now, so I can finish my movie. I get into the bath and get nice and relaxed, but they are not going away, they are getting stronger. I stay in the bath about 45 minutes and then I need to get out, I need to move, I need to change positions because they really hurt. So I go to the toilet and sit there for awhile.

Then it gets nuts.

I feel as if I am having an out of body experience. It was kinda scary. So I yell to Peter and say I think its time to call the midwife!!! He comes running in and gives her a page. Twenty minutes go by and she still doesn't call. Now I tell Peter that I feel like I am dying. Obviously, I wasn't dying but everything was so intense and overwhelming it was the only word I could think of to accurately describe how I felt. He calls again and finally gets a hold of her. She said she would be over soon. Then I felt the urge to move again. I stand and start walking, but oh, man it hurts SO bad. I make it to the end of the bed and hold on tight.

That contraction rocked my world.

I manage to yell to Peter, who is off filling up the birth tub, that I am going to puke before the next one hits. He was able to get the trashcan in place just as I explode. At the exact same moment that I puking up my dinner, my water breaks. Inside, I was so excited! There was no going back now. I was so happy it broke on my own. Somehow I am able to calmly say, "oh, look there's my water" and ask Peter to get a towel. What does he bring back? Several clean sweaters that were on our dresser that I hadn't gotten to putting away yet.

So now I am screaming,,, NO!!! I! Said! A! TOWEL!! So now what does he bring back? My FAVORITE towel, the one that was my grandmother's, of course. Now I am really screaming... NOT THAT TOWEL!! He finally brings back an appropriate towel to have my water leak onto.

The towel was kinda white, so I am able to see very clearly that my water is kinda green.

I think, shit, shit, shit. I hope everything's ok.

Then I needed to go back to the toilet. Sitting on the toilet, I look at my sorta green amniotic fluid and I think of all the births I have seen where the water was a bit green but everything was just fine and I calm my self down. Peter finally notices it too and says is that normal? And I am able to respond that its fine. Even in that fearful moment, I always had an overwhelming feeling that everything was going to be just fine. Even so, in the next moment when Missy, the midwife's assistant arrives, the first thing I ask her is if the color is ok.

Layla, our midwife, finally arrives and I want to be checked. I am thinking I must be 8 centimeters. Layla checks me and I am 5 and half, then 6 by the time the exam is over. I holler,  6!?! I am only 6?!? Uuugggghhhh!!! Missy calms me a bit saying "uh, we JUST got here!" By this time the birth tub is ready and I needed to get in asap. I didn't want anyone touching me or talking to me I just wanted to get in the water. I don't know how long I was in the water, but it really got me relaxed and I was able to rest in between the contractions. It got to a point where I felt like I was too relaxed, coping too well, and things were slowing down, so I thought to myself, "I can stay in here where I am coping just fine and be here for several more hours or I can get out, get up and make the contractions more painful and get this show on the road."

So I hurl myself out the of tub and get to the bathroom. Just from walking from the tub to the toilet and sitting down makes me feel like pushing. It was a sensation I couldn't ignore.

I wasn't actively pushing, it was like my body had completely taken over and had a mind of its own. I was pushing whether I wanted to or not.

Missy, hollers from the couch at that point and says " that sounds like a push, are you pushing?" So I ask to be checked again. After Layla checked me, she announces that I am 8 centimeters. I reply the same... "8!?!...I am only 8!?!  Aahhhhhhh. I walk around for a bit. I want this baby out of me! I get back in the tub at some point and it's getting close. I can feel Penelope moving down my pelvis. I keep telling Missy that I have to poo. I am still liking being in the warm water, but I feel like I can't get grounded enough to really bare down so I stand up during several contractions and get into a deep squat then submerge back into the warm water after the contraction. I finally get into a hands and knees sort of position that works. At this point, Penelope's heart rate has dropped a bit, nothing to be alarmed about, but combined with the slightly green amniotic fluid, Layla thinks its best to put the oxygen mask on. Its super annoying and I want to rip it off my face, but I focus on breathing for Penelope. Her heart rate stays good for awhile and I am able to take it off.

At this point, Missy tells me to see if I can feel my baby. I put my hand down and my fingers in a bit and there she was! I think to myself," holy crap! pushing is working!" She is coming out!

She is going to be here soon!

I look Peter in the eye and smile for the first time. I ask him if he wants to get in and catch her like we talked about. He shakes his head and smiles. I am actually relieved, because I really wanted to catch her myself. Later he told me it was because he didn't want to get in the water. The water was bloody and poopy and he was not about to get in it!! Now I am really pushing. I tell Layla, I feel like I am tearing!! She said GOOD! Go with it! I am like, no really, I think I am tearing!! She said, that is what you want! I don't really believe her but in my head, and I felt like she was dismissing me, but I am like:
ok, here we go, even if I tear, here we go. It burned SO bad. Ring of fire is no joke. But then her sweet head was out! I kept feeling her head and feeling her squishy skin and wet hair. I could not wait to hold her.


Not sure how many more pushes it took, but out came the rest of her. I caught her with my own two hands and pulled her out! At the same time I sat back on bottom and leaned against the side of the birth tub. From here on out its like I am in a dream. At first it was hard to get her in a good position to hold her on my chest because her cord was wrapped around her neck once. Layla helped me unwrap it. Then I held her close and looked her straight in her eyes. I could not believe she was here and that I managed to push her out. She was so perfectly alert and peaceful and oh so beautiful. I kept looking up at Peter to look at him and make eye contact but he was entrained on her. She fussed for a moment and I sang the song to her that I sang to her every day while taking my nightly bath when I was pregnant.

Then the contractions start coming again and I wanted the placenta OUT!! It wasn't very long but I wanted to be done and get out of the water. I pushed for a little bit and then decided to stand up and out it came with a PLOP! At this point Peter has Penelope and we walk to the bedroom so I can lay down and nurse her or as it turned out, attempt to nurse her.

From the very first moment breastfeeding, or lack there of, has been difficult. She sort of latched on but not really since my nipples are flat and she was having a hard time. She passed out a few moments later anyway. At that time I didn't think anything of it, I thought I am not going to stress about it, I will just let her lay her skin to skin and let her smell me for now. I thought flat nipples were our only problem and I knew that was easily overcome with enough support and guidance from IBCLC. She ended up pretty much sleeping for the next 12 hours. And I just started at her in absolute amazement. I couldn't believe that I MADE her and that I PUSHED her out myself. Finally the lactation consultant came over and helped us get her latched on. It was quite a production. Peter had to actually squeeze my nipple and then between the both of us, with all four hands, we could get her on. Little did we know then that even though she was on, she wasn't transferring anything. Only when she stopped pooping and we went to see the LC again later that week did we realize she wasn't transferring any milk and had to start pumping and finger feeding...but that leads us to a whole other story, one that is not yet complete and ready to be told.

In the end it was a perfect and beautiful birth, just like I always hoped and dreamed. However, I would give it all up to be able to breastfeed. I would have rather of had a cesarean and been completely under than to have breastfeeding taken from us. But Penelope is healthy and beautiful and I love her more than anything else in this world.