Peter and I went to our first prenatal visit the other week. I had been excited about it all week -- My first official prenatal visit as an actual pregnant woman! The morning of, I woke up full of jitters and as the morning wore on I just couldn’t wait to get to my appointment. Even though I have taken, oh, 35 pregnancy tests in the past weeks, I really, really wanted to hear the heartbeat.
By the time I actually showed up to the Birth Cottage (www.thebirthcottage.com) -- 15 minutes early, of course -- I was a nervous wreck, sweating heavily and pacing like an idiot. When Peter finally arrived -- 15 minutes late, of course -- we were seated in our room the midwife, Layla, we had tons of paperwork and questions to go over. I impatiently answered the questions, thinking only of the doppler and wondering when the heck she was going to ask me to sit on the table!
Finally it was time. I sat on the table and leaned back; she pulled up my dress and pushed down my panties a bit. She was just about to put the gel on my belly when I hollered “Wait! We need to pray first!!” Layla obliged and stepped outside for a minute so we could pray. I called down Mother Mary, Jesus and every other saint I could think of that would protect the room and help make sure the doppler was working properly and it was a clear channel to hear our baby. I prayed that baby would move into whatever position she needed to be in so we could hear the heartbeat well. And I prayed please dear God let there be a heartbeat, please dear God let everything be OK.
A knock at the door and Layla was ready to come back in. I was ready now. The gel went on cold and then the doppler touched my belly. She warned the baby is only about two inches big with a heart about the size of the tip of your pinky, so it could take a little bit to find it. I am not sure how many seconds passed or how hard I was squeezing Peter’s hand when she found it. I froze. Was that really it? Or was it just my heartbeat she found? I was afraid to look at her face at first; worried it would give me some sort of signal that she was worrying about something. But I peered up and caught her eye, and she nodded and smiled.
Then I unraveled. I sobbed and sobbed. I sobbed so hard she had to remove the doppler because my belly was moving so much from me crying. I kept saying thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus. Then I looked up at Peter. He had just a little tear in his eye and he looked happy. I was surprised to see him look so relieved, too. He has been calm and cool this whole time, always responding to my worries and fears by saying this is our baby; I know it is going to stick but he needed to hear the heartbeat, too.
Once I calmed down and stopped crying she put the doppler back on to see how fast the heartbeat was. It was 160; apparently that is a girl heartbeat! I had an overwhelming feeling it was a girl before this appointment and that just sealed the deal for me. Poor Peter is still holding out for a boy. I left that appointment on cloud nine. It was the feeling I had been waiting for, for the last 8 weeks. I felt euphoric the day I found out I was pregnant and then for the next 8 weeks I worried. Because I worried so much that this baby was going to leave me I did not allow myself to get too excited or be too happy. But not now. Now I am over the moon. I am really pregnant now.
