This week I had to put away some more of Penelope's clothes that don't fit her anymore. It's always a bittersweet moment for me. I try to be conscious about the process, key word here is "try." Often I rush through the movements, in order to feel the satisfaction of crossing the task off my to-do list. As I fold each item from the laundry basket, I think of the happy moments (that I can actually remember) that we experienced while she was wearing that particular piece of clothing. As I put the piece away in the closet, to either give away later or for baby number 2, I note the transition. I note that I am crossing over yet another threshold, passing yet another milestone and how quickly it is all going by. I will never get these moments back and it makes my heart hurt to think that they have already passed.
One of the many things I stress about as a mother, is how I can be more present in each moment with her, to fully live each moment with her because I know I only get once chance. I want to fully appreciate the moment for one, but also, so I can just plain remember it later when I am old. I can't tell you how many times, I have been in the middle of some sweet moment with her, and internally I am literally, begging my brain to remember it!
In my childbirth classes I used to teach (that my friend Lindsey now teaches locally), I taught a pain coping technique called Breath Awareness. It's pretty simple. In a nutshell, you simply bring your full awareness to your breath. You don't have to breath a specific way, you just breath and notice how you are breathing. You notice everything about your breath. You become in the moment by doing this. I think it's time I bust out those skills again. They served me well in labor (it didn't take the pain away, but helped me cope). I want to start practicing my Breath Awareness while I am changing her diaper, feeding her, playing with her, washing bottles and pump parts, etc. It will make me more calm for sure, but hopefully it will help me remember all these precious moments.
On a side note, I want to start getting into a routine of writing a post like this on Sundays. Sort of a week in review and glimpse into my internal musings as a mama on my journey through motherhood. Can you help me think of a name for these Sunday posts? This is what I came up with so far, but I am not impressed with myself:
week in review
my weekly journey
journey into motherhood
mama's view
I go through the same emotional process when I am going through my daughters clothes when she is growing out of them. I feel a bit saddened when I can't remember everything but am thankful for what I do remember and am trying to get better about writing memories down.
ReplyDeleteAh, I feel the same way..time is passing so fast, I can't believe it!
ReplyDeleteI take a lot of pictures, I think that's a nice way to remember:) But the memories in the heart are of course the most important ;)
I think "Mama's view" is a nice name for the posts.
Hug from Stine in Norway
@Sarah...yes, I have GOT to get better at writing things down. I have a journal that I am writing to her and plan to give her one day, but I find I am only writing the big things down. I need to start writing every little detail down.
ReplyDelete@Stine...we take a TON of pictures, but just the other day my husband said to me, "man, I wish we had more pictures of her when she was a newborn." can't ever have enough...
sunday sense? (as in sensibility), or sunday sentiments? or sunday survey? I'm all about alliteration...
ReplyDeleteMicah is only 2 months and I already feel like he's grown so much very quickly. I don't know where the time has gone! It makes me a little sad to look at pictures from the beginning and know that he'll never be that way again. Yet I want to enjoy "the now" because that too will be gone quickly. I feel a little sad and guilty on the harder, fussy days with him where I just wish he'd get a little older and grow out of this phase. I don't want to wish the time away but sometimes I'm just exhausted. Perhaps I should try to breathe more, be patient and enjoy every day with him. Good post :)
ReplyDelete@Alecia..thanks for the ideas! AND the new vocab word!
ReplyDelete@Marcy...I feel ya, sometimes I want to wish the same, but I always stop myself from thinking that, because of having the experience of being a nanny for so long with Ava and Ella (now almost 5 and 4.) I ache to have those times back with them. I even miss their worst days, when I was at my breaking point.