YOU put the baby to sleep!

Last week, after a full weekend of my parents visiting (which if you know me and know about my mom, you know that being around her for more than 30 minutes requires the patience of Zen Master), and then doing Penelope's six month photo session, I was stressed. 


 Her photo sessions always stress me out, because I have huge expectations of what they will come out like and I want everything to be perfect. I have anxiety almost a full week before, picking out the right outfit and making sure her nap and feeding schedule work out to whatever time we have picked for her session. 


 This time, everything was going great, except we were doing the pictures outside, and of course, 15 minutes into the session it starts to rain. 


Our photographer, Robin Adams, drives me crazy on delivery time of her product, but she is ROCK STAR with the actual photos. I know that she was able to get a bunch of beautiful pictures, even though our session was cut short. But by the end of the session, the entire family is soaking wet and Penelope is naked, and I am exhausted after running half a mile to the car, while holding my fatty-fat 20.5 pound baby.


Ok, so back to the main point, so after all that I was stressed. When we got home from the session, it was immediately time for bath. But it was lighting and raining and Peter said it wasn't safe to take a bath while its lightening. 


 Um, OK, Peter (aka Mr. Safety), whatever you say. 


So we skip bath and go straight to pjs and milk and listening to her lullaby cd. We usually do massage before bath and spend about 25 minutes in the bath. We have been doing this since she was 4 weeks old, so by skipping her bath, she was thrown all out of wack and it took an extra hour and half to go to sleep. Not to mention, I am sure she was stressed, because I was stressed.


After her full feeding, we lay down and nurse to sleep. Usually it takes 10 to 15 minutes and she is out. 


But not tonight.


Tonight she was doing her song and dance routine for almost an hour. 45 minutes into this, I think man it would be so much easier, if I just let her cry it out (never gonna happen, so don't worry), then I start getting super frustrated and then I remind myself to take deep breaths. 


 Now I am deep breathing. 


Still frustrated. 


I think to myself Ok, let's try some chants of OM (in my mind, because Penelope would fall off the bed laughing if I did it out loud).


That's not working either, because I can still feel my blood pressure rising. Oh and I forgot to mention, that I hadn't eaten lunch that day (can blame Peter for that one, he brought home mac and cheese from New Leaf when I am not eating dairy right now), so I am laying down STARVING. 


All I want, is for her to go to sleep, so I can eat something. By this point, I am praying, Our Father's and Hail Mary's and few "please God, I just want to eat something, is that too much to ask?!"


Penelope is wide awake. 


She is loudly practicing saying all her words (Mama, Bubba and Papa) and doing her kicks. So now I am crying and begging her to go too sleep for the love of God. To that, she replied with giggles and more kicks. Then I decided that enough was enough and I picked her up, stormed out the room and sobbed/yelled for Peter. 


 YOU PUT THE BABY TO SLEEP, I NEED TO EAT SOMETHING. 


Peter tried to comfort me, but I didn't want to be comforted. I wanted to eat and wanted to be away from Penelope. He takes her for a walk and I sit down to eat. 40 minutes later, I am fed and happy and he comes back with an awake child, mind you, but all is well with the world and I am ready for round two. 


As she falls asleep, ten minutes later, and I just watch her sleep for a few minutes. I feel guilty for getting so upset and being such an un-Zen yoga teacher and massage therapist. I also feel so thankful for having an awesome husband that is willing to take over the second I ask, even though he does bring home mac and cheese for lunch.