Nursies When the Sun Shines

Nursies When the Sun Shines, a book about night weaning, was sent to me by the author (who also has a very cute blog) to review, early in the summer.  I started thinking about night weaning back then, but only in the last month or so, did I really get the courage to get serious about it.

Penelope and I have been co-sleeping since she was a baby.  Our story is a little different than most co-sleeping, breastfeeding, parent-child relationships. I didn't get her to nurse till she was 5 months old, and then it was months before nursing at night became easier for us (it took a long time for her to get out of the habit of being rocked to sleep, to being able to nurse to sleep, while laying down), and then another couple of months before I could get to the stage of sleeping without my shirt off and she "finds" me in the middle of the night herself.  I, being the light sleeper that I am, still wake up, even she latches on herself.  She also likes to lay on top of me as she is nursing, and tweak my other nipple. Fun times. 

Part of the reason it took me so long to night wean her, is because since we lost the first 5 months of nursing, I felt like I wanted to make up for that time and she always nursed the best at night.  It was like, she was really able to let her body take over at night and she actually got milk.  Whereas during the day, her comfort nursing was so light, that she doesn't get much at all.   I have gotten clues of how much milk she was getting at night before (like when she was sick and threw up a ton of milk first thing in the morning) and now as we have started the night weaning process, she gets up about 1.5 hours earlier and the first thing she says is EAT!  She is hungry without her nightly snack of milk.  Just in the last few days, she also started requesting a glass of milk with meals, like she is trying to make up for the calorie reduction.

I really enjoyed this book and so did Penelope.  The little one in the book looks to be a 1 or 2 year old, so it is clear to Penelope that it is a baby her age.  Not a tiny baby, but not yet a big toddler.  When we read the book, we say Nuh-Nuh (her word for nurse), so it is even more resonant with her.

We started reading it together as soon as we got it.  I like that we read it for several months before even attempting to night wean.  I think it was a peaceful introduction to the concept and made for a nice transition to actual night weaning.  Nursies, is a groundbreaking children’s book, the first-ever to focus on night weaning. Its goal is to facilitate communication between parent and young child, thereby making the process of night weaning as gentle and easy as possible

I am a big fan of using books to help babies/toddlers learn something new.  When I was teaching Penelope how to nurse (I got her to comfort nurse at 5 months, but was trying to make the switch to nutritional nursing at about 10 months old) I made a book of all the the pictures of us nursing.

I started night weaning Penelope about 3 weeks ago.  I found this series of posts over on the Leaky  Boob to very helpful and encouraging.  The first night, I siked myself up and decided that the best way to attempt this would be to nurse Penelope and read her books in a rocking chair and then lay down together and tell her no Nuh-Nuh's till the sun shines.  Total disaster.  I only let her cry for about 2 minutes.  But you would have thought I was poking her with a hot stick and torturing her.  So I quickly scrapped that idea and nursed her to sleep.  I was pretty sure I traumatized her for life, so it took me a few more days to go to plan B.

Plan B, was to nurse her to sleep like normal, and then tell her no all night until the sun came through window.   The first night, she woke up about 3 times and fussed when I said no, but did not fully wake up or start an upset cry.  By the third night, she realized I was standing firm and that life was really not that bad, she still got to nurse to sleep and again around 6am when the sun came up.  So she has settled into the routine of hugging instead.  Now instead of calling out for nuh-nuhs,in her half-asleep, groggy voice, she says hugs. It's pretty damn cute.

In the last week, she will sometimes go all night with only waking up once.   But mostly she still wakes up 3 to 4 times a night.  Our next step will be to get a toddler bed and put in our room and see if that helps a bit with the night waking.

And last week, I slept upstairs in our guest bedroom, while my husband was on hug/wake up duty.  It was pure heaven.  I have been lusting and fantasizing about sleeping by myself, since Penelope was a tiny baby. I would dream of going to a hotel, by myself, for like a week, and just do nothing but sleep.  But this night upstairs was just the ticket.  The next day, I was bouncing off the walls, I had so much energy. I didn't go to sleep till like 3am that night either.   I hope to try and do that at least once a month, and later once a week.  I am very slowly starting to prepare my mind and body for my next pregnancy and catching up on sleep is at the top of my list right now.

If you would like to purchase the book, you can do so here. OR you can enter to win a signed copy right here!!


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Good luck everyone! Giveaway will run until 9.30.11! I will use random.org generator to pick a winner and will email the winner and announce it here on the blog. The winner will have 48 hours to respond or a new winner will be announced.


DISCLAIMER: I was not paid for this post.  Thank you Nursies When the Sun Shines for allowing me to review your products and for the awesome giveaway. If you are interested in having me do a review and giveaway for your business or product, or about our advertising pricing, send us an email at mamaandbabylove@gmail.com

By Best Kids Health Blog

Unconditional Parenting Chapter 8: Love Without Strings Attached

Here are some of my favorite quotes from Chapter 8.  Only two more chapters to go!

This was a really important chapter to read.  It is the one that had the most concrete advice about what to say and do with your children if you want them to feel loved unconditionally.

"The first step is simply to be mindful of the whole issue of unconditional parenting.  The more we're thinking along these lines, reflecting on whether the things we do and say to our kids could reasonably be interpreted as conditional affection (and if so, why), the more likely we are to change what we do."

"Second, we need to get into the habit of asking ourselves a very specific question; "If that comment I just made to my child had been made to me-or if what I just did had been done to me-would I feel unconditionally loved?"

"Even when we disapprove of what they've done and we want them to know it, our reactions should take account of the big picture-specifically, the imperative to make sure they feel loved, and lovable."

Here's how:

Limit the Number of Your Criticisms:
"If kids feel we're impossible to please, they'll just stop trying".
"But the main point is that too much criticism and disapproval may lead a child to feel unworthy."

Limit the Scope of Each Criticism:
"Focus on what's wrong with the specific action (Your voice sounded really unkind just now when you were talking to your sister) rather than implying that there is something wrong with the child ("You're so mean to people!")

Limit the Intensity of Each Criticism:
"Be aware of not only what you are saying but only your body language, your facial expression, your tone of voice.  Any of these communicate more disapproval, and less unconditional love, than you intended."

Look for Alternatives to Criticism:
"Explicit negative evaluations may not be necessary if we simply say what we see ("Jeremy looked kind of sad after you said that to him") and ask questions ("The next time you are feeling frustrated, what do you think you could do instead of pushing?)

"It may sound obvious, but we sometimes seem to forget that, even when kids do rotten things, our goal should not be to make them feel bad, not to stamp out a particular behavior out of existence. Rather, what we want is to influence our the way they think and feel, to help them become people who wouldn't want to act cruelly. And, of course, our other goal is to avoid injuring our relationship with them in the process."

Unconditional Parenting: Chapter 7, Principles of Unconditional Parenting

Here are my favorite quotes from Chapter 7.

"Very specific suggestions, ("When your child says x, you should stand at location y and use z tone of voice to utter the following sentence...") are disrespectful to parents and kids alike.  Raising children is not like assembling a home theater system or preparing a casserole, such that you need only follow an expert's instructions to the letter.  No one-size fits all formula can possibly work for every family, nor can it anticipate an infinite number of situations."

"It's harder to make sure children feel loved unconditinoally than it is to just love them."

"It's harder to respond to them in all their complexity than it is to focus just on their behaviors.  It's harder to try to solve problems with them, to give them reasons for doing the right thing (let alone help them formulate their own reasons), than it is to control them with carrots and sticks. "Working with" asks more of us than does "doing to."

Unconditional Parenting Guiding Principles:

1. BE REFLECTIVE
As Piet Hein, the Danish poet and scientist, put it "The errors hardest to condone in other people are one's one."  In short: Be honest with yourself about your motives, Don't stop being troubled by things you do that really are troubling.  And be alert for signs that the way you interact with your children may have drifted toward a controlling style without you even being aware of it."

2. RECONSIDER YOUR REQUETS
"Here's a very unsettling possibility: Perhaps when your child doesn't do what you're demanding, the problem isn't with the child but with what it is you're demanding."

3. KEEP YOUR EYE ON YOUR LONG-TERM GOALS.
"The good news is that when parents do manage to keep their broader objectives in view-indeed, when they focus on anything more ambitious than just getting their kids to obey right this instant-they tend to use better parenting skills and they get better results."

4. PUT THE RELATIONSHIP FIRST
"Being right isn't necessarily what matters. In fact, it matters very little lif your children stiffen when you walk into a room."

5. CHANGE HOW YOU SEE, NOT JUST HOW YOU ACT
"Moreover, to see children's behavior as a teachable moment invites us to include them in the process of solving the problem, which is more likely to be effective."

6. R-E-S-P-E-C-T
"Even parents who obviously love their children don't always act as though they respect them.  Some sound snide or sacrcastic.  They write off their kid's requests, dismiss their feelings of anger, or trivialize their fears.  They interrupt their kids in a way they wouldn't dream of doing to another adult, yet they become incensed when their kids interrupt them.  And they may also talk abou their children in a belittling way"  "Oh, she's just being a prima donna." or "Just ignore her when she acts like that."

7. BE AUTHENTIC
"I don't mean that we should disclose all the intimate details of our lives to our children. Some things we don't tell them until they're old enough, and some things we'll never tell them.  But there's a dimension of genuineness that's missing in the way that some parents act with their kids, and that absense can be keenly felt even if the children can't quite identify what's lacking in, or not quite right about, the relationship"

"My advice is to make a point of apologizing to your child about something at least twice a month.  There are two reasons to apologize. It sets a powerful example. It makes no sense to force children to say their sorry when they are not.  A far more effective way to introduce them to the idea of apologizing is to show them how it's done."

8. TALK LESS, ASK MORE
"Maybe we were so busy trying to get them to see our point of view that we didn't really hear theirs.  To be a great parent is more a fucntion of listening than explaining."

"Our job is to create a sense of safety, to listen without judgment, to make sure they know they won't get into trouble for telling us what they've done or be condemned for what they feel."

9. KEEP THEIR AGES IN MIND
"For example, when a baby starts to cry because you removed an inappropriate item she was playing with, it's fine to distract her with a new game or toy.  But distraction is ineffective and even insulting when applied to an older child, just as it would be if you complained about something that was bothering you only to have your spouse try to change the subject."

10.ATTRIBUTE TO CHILDREN THE BEST POSSIBLE MOTIVE CONSISTENT WITH THE FACTS.
"We usually don't know for sure why a child actedthe way he did." And our beliefs about those reasons can be a self-fulfilling prophecy."

11. DON'T STICK YOUR NO'S IN UNNECESSARILY
" When you come right down to it, the whole process of raising a kid is pretty damned inconvenient, particularly if you want to do it well.  If you're unwilling to give up any of your free time, if you want your house to stay quiet and clean, you might consider raising tropical fish instead."

"People don't get better at coping with unhappiness because they were deliberately made to unhappy when they were young."

12. DON'T BE RIGID
"A foolish consistency is the hallmark of ineffective parenting."


I think this is such a powerful list!

When I read this list, I think it can be applied to our relationships with our spouses, our friends and our family.  Our relationship with our children is no different.

When I read this list and think of how I parent, I think, no problem, this is so easy! I can easily treat Penelope with respect and be self reflective in my parenting style.  But when I read this list and think of my relationship with my husband, I think, there is a lot we could both implement to better our relationship.

What do you think about this list?

Unconditional Parenting: Chapter 6, What Holds Us Back?

Here are my favorite quotes from Chapter 6.

"Everything up to this point leads us to one overwhelming question: Why do we do it? If conditional and control-based parenting are really as bad as they say they are-and more important, if they're as bad as scientific research and real-world experience show they are-then why are they so popular? Or to put it differently, what holds so many of us back from being better parents?"

"The reasons we parent as we do might be said to fall roughly into four categories: what we see and hear, what we believe, what we feel and, as a result of all those, what we fear."

"It's the most obvious explanation for why we treat our children as we do: We learned how you're supposed to raise kids from watching how someone raised us."

"The less aware we are of that learning process, the more likely we are to reproduce parenting patterns without bothering to ask whether they make sense.  It takes some effort, some sharp thinking, even some courage to step back and decide which values and rituals ought to find a place in our new families and which ones are pointless and even pernicious."

"Bad discipline is easy.  Very little is asked of us when we respond to children's misbehavior by doing something unpleasant to them. "Doing to" strategies are mostly mindless.  "Working with" strategies, on the other hand, ask a lot more of us."

"Our culture isn't especially supportive of children in general, nor is there a surfeit of fondness for particular children unless they're cute and well behaved."

"If kids are not held in great esteem, it becomes easier for parents, even basically good parents, to treat their own kids disrespectfully."

"A study of more than three hundred parents found that those who held a negative view of human nature were more likely to be very controlling with their kids."

"If we wonder why parent-child relationships are so often adversarial, we have to understand this as one more symptom of a hyper-competitive society.  The moms and dads who are most likely to try to control their children, and who do the most damage to them, are the those who need to win."

"Lots of people believe that when any individual, even a small child, does something bad, then something bad should be done to that individual in return. So many parents see punishment as a moral imperative."

"As a rule, when your basic emotional needs have not been met, those needs don't just vanish when you're older.  Instead, you may continue to try to satisfy them, often in direct and even convoluted ways.  That effort sometimes requires an exhausting, near-constant focus on yourself in order to prove that you really are smart, or attractive or lovable.  What's more, the people who need you to focus on them, notably your children, may find you emotionally unavailable."

"What distinguishes truly great parents is their willingness to confront troubling questions about what they have been doing and what was done to them."

"We're unlikely to meet our long-term goals for our kids unless we're ready to ask the following question: Is it possible that what I just did with them had more to do with my own needs, my fears and my own upbringing than with what's really in their best interest?"


Phew! That was a lot, but it was a very important chapter.  What struck you the deepest?

Unconditional Parenting: Chapter 5, Pushed to Succeed

Here are some of my favorite quotes from this chapter:

"As the psychoanalyst Erich Fromm once lamented, "Few parents have the courage and independence to care more for their children's happiness than for their success."

"Obviously, there's nothing wrong with being proud of our kids.  But when the bragging seems excessive-when its too intense, or too frequent, or starts up too quickly-it's possible that the parent's identity is a little too wrapped up in the child's accomplishments."

"There's a huge difference between a student whose objective is to get a good grade and a student whose objective is to solve a problem or understand a story.  What's more, the research suggests that when kids are encouraged to focus on getting better marks in school, three things tend to happen: They lose interest in the learning itself, they try to avoid tasks that are challenging, and they're less likely to think deeply and critically."

"The more we want our children to (1) be lifelong learners, genuinely excited about words and numbers and ideas, (2) avoid sticking with what's easy and safe, and (3) become sophisticated thinkers, the more we should do everything possible to help them forget about grades.  Better yet, we'd want to encourage teachers and principals to minimize (or even eliminate) the use of grades."

"Some parents don't offer money for straight A's; instead, they pay off their kids with affection and approval.  In effect, they're using their love as a lever to get their kids to succeed-to the point that their children may come to feel as though their parents' positive feelings for them rise and fall with grade point average."

"The research overwhelmingly showed that competition holds people back from working or learning their best."

"To the contrary, people who know they're loved irrespective of their accomplishments often end up accomplishing quite a lot.  Being accepted without conditions helps them to develop a healthy confidence in themselves, a sense that it's safe to take risks and try new things.  From deep contentment comes the courage to achieve."

Unconditional Parenting: Chapter 4

Here the quotes that stood out to me from Chapter 4: Punitive Damages.

"To punish kids, very simply, is to make something unpleasant happen to them-or prevent them from experiencing something pleasant-usually with the goal of changing their future behavior. The punisher makes them suffer, in other words, to teach them a lesson."

"Announcing how we plan to punish children ("Remember, if you do x, then I'll do y to you") may salve our conscience because we gave them fair warning, but all we've really done is threaten them.  We've told them in advance exactly how we'll make them suffer if they fail to obey."

"In Punishment Lite, also called "natural consequences", when  a child leaves her raincoat at school, we are supposed to let her get wet the next day. This is said to teach her to be more punctual, less forgetful or whatever.  But the far more powerful lesson that she is likely to take is what we could have helped-but didn't."

"It's hard for kids to sort out why someone who clearly cares for them also makes them suffer from time to time.  It creates a warped idea, which children may carry with them throughout their lives, that causing pain is part of what it means to love them.  Or else it may simply teach that love is necessarily conditional, that it lasts only as long as people do exactly what you want."

"Why Punishment Fails:
-It makes people mad
-It models the use of power
-It eventually loses its effectiveness
-It erodes our relationships with our kids
-It distracts kids from the important issues
-It makes kids more self centered"

Unconditional Parenting: Chapter 3

Click here to learn about this book and our book club, check out Chapter 1 and Chapter 2

Here are some of my favorite quotes from Chapter 3, Too Much Control.

"Conditional parenting can be the consequence of control even if it wasn't the intention, and, conversely, control can help to explain the destructive effects of conditional parenting."

"The dominant problem with parenting in our society isn't permissiveness, but the FEAR of permissiveness. We are so worried about spoiling our kids that we often end up overcontrolling them."

"The way many kids are treated suggests a lack of respect for their needs and preferences-in fact, a lack of respect for children, period."

"It's easy for most of us to observe Bad Parenting on Parade, to watch people who are much more controlling that we are, and to take comfort from saying, "At least I'd never do that." But the real challenge is to reflect on the things we have been known to do and ask whether they're really in our children's best interest."

"The kids who do what they're told are likely to be those whose parents DON'T rely on power and instead have developed a warm and secure relationship with them."

"There may be times when some control, in the usual sense, is unavoidable, and here the trick is indeed to avoid overdoing it. Bu rather than just trying to find a happy medium between "too controlling" and "not controlling enough", we need to think in terms of an approach to parenting that's fundamentally different from control."


This chapter really made me think of all the times, as a Nanny, I got into power struggles with the girls over what they were wearing, how much they ate, etc.  I remember thinking, "Danm, I am such good Nanny!", because I usually always got them to eat what I wanted to or wear what I wanted.  I thought I was some master toddler negotiator...but really they were probably just so worried about upsetting me ( not that I ever yelled or screamed at them, but I think even getting frustrated and in a bad mood is way of love withdrawal) and wanting to please me than anything else...that all I really accomplished was breaking their spirit.  Sigh. 

So what did ya'll think about this chapter?  What were your "ah-ha" moments for this chapter?

Unconditional Parenting: Chapter 2

I think I like the way I set it up last week, with me posting some of my favorite quotes to get the conversation going, so that's what I am gonna do again!

Here they are in no particular order:

"The parent can either walk away, (which may leave a child sobbing, or crying out in a panic, "Mommy, come back! Come back!) or banish the child to his room or some other place where a parent isn't. This tactic might accurately be called forcible isolation. But that label would make a lot of parents uncomfortable, so a more innocuous term tends to be used instead, one that allows us to avoid facing up to what's really going on. The preferred euphemism, as perhaps you've guessed, is time-out."

"Time-out is actually an abbreviation for time out from positive reinforcement. The practice was developed almost half a century ago as a way of training LABORATORY ANIMALS."

"For many people, the first question would be whether this approach works. Once again, however, that proves to be a more complicated matter than it may seem. We have to ask, "Works to do what?"

"Spanking and time-out, both communicate to children that if they do something we don't like, we'll make them suffer in order to change their behavior. The only remaining question is how we'll make them suffer: by causing physical pain through hitting, or by causing emotional pain through enforced isolation."

"Intrinsic motivation basically means you like what you're doing for its own sake, whereas extrinsic motivation means you do something as a means to an end- in order to get a reward or avoid a punishment. It's the difference between reading a book because you want to find out what happens in the next chapter and reading because you've been promised a sticker or a pizza for doing so."

"The more that people are rewarded for doing something, the more likely they are to lose interest in whatever they had to do to get the reward."

What grabbed you the most this chapter? How damaging time-outs are or that rewards are just as damaging? Or both?

Virtual Book Club: Unconditional Parenting, Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason

This book has Blown. My. Mind.

I feel so blessed to have read this book BEFORE Penelope started doing behaviors that would have led me to do positive reinforcement or time-outs to try and change her behavior. Reading it, made me feel sick to my stomach, as I thought back to all the times I said "good job" to Ava and Ella (the girls I was a nanny to for years) and put them in time-out. I knew that spanking was off the table, but before reading this book, I thought time-outs, done a kind and respectful way was perfectly acceptable. By using punishments and rewards, I was conveying to them that I only loved them when they pleased me or impressed me or did what I asked, when I asked. I had no idea how much damage I was doing and I feel awful.

But as a friend of mine put it when talking about vaccines, "when you know better you do better."

I am going to do better with Penelope. And I invite you to read this book to do better to. Even if you have a much older child, even a teenager (even if your child is an adult for that matter!), its never too late to make a change and be a better parent.

Below is not my writing but a mix of excerpts from the book and summaries found online:

Most advice for parents begins with the question...How can we get kids to do what they're told? -- and then proceeds to offer various techniques for controlling them.

In his landmark book Unconditional Parenting (and in his DVD) Alfie Kohn begins instead by asking, What are our long-term goals for our children? It follows that we need to work WITH them, rather than doing things TO them, in order to reach those goals.

Kohn argues that punishments (including time-outs) and rewards (including positive reinforcement, like saying "Good job!") may sometimes produce temporary compliance, but they do nothing to help kids grow into responsible, caring, ethical, happy people. Moreover, he suggests that permissiveness is less worrisome than a fear of permissiveness that leads us to over control our children. Kohn offers ten important guidelines to help viewers reconnect to their own best instincts as parents.


If you are practicing Attachment Parenting, this is a must read. So much of the Attachment Parenting guidelines are in place to help you have a strong and loving relationship with your child, so that your child feels unconditionally loved. Because unconditionally loved children grow up to be responsible, ethical, caring, happy adults.  But as they get older, we may loose some of our Attachment Parenting foundations because every single parenting book out there is telling us to do time outs and grounding and that maintaining control is the utmost priority.

This book totally turned me on my head and showed me another way. I knew I wanted to be a different parent than how I was parented, but I wasn't exactly sure what that looked like. I knew I was going to be an Attached Parent, but I didn't know what that looked like past infancy.

I am so excited about this book that I want to share it with you. It has changed the course of my parenting journey and I invite you to change yours.

Join me in a virtual book club! Start reading Unconditional Parenting at any time and join in on the discussion here starting December 10, 2010.

Sunday Surf 10.17.10

Homegirl at the Healthy Home Economist has blown my mind. Again.
Think raw veggies are best? Think again!

She has one little line about alfalfa sprouts that came as a big surprise to me. She said that they are mildly toxic and an immuno suppressant! Shit! I have been sprouting seeds, including alfalfa, for several months now and I thought I was being such a healthy rock star. Nope! Learn something new everyday.

Did you have a cesarean birth? Have you ever had any procedures done to your cervix before you gave birth? There very well may be a correlation! And better news, an easy way to fix it! Some women who have scar tissue on their cervix have a hard time dilating past 1 to 3 cm and end up having a cesarean for "failure to progress".  Check out this article to learn more.

I forgot to mention this new Tallahassee online resource last week, it's got something for everyone in Tallahassee.  Check it out!

This is a neat article about how cavemen (and cave women) used to parent. Just fyi, it's called Attachment Parenting nowadays!

And lastly, an amazing article about Positive Discipline. I am very new to this and am very excited to learn more.


For more Sunday Surfing, visit Gems of Delight, Enjoy Birth, Breastfeeding Moms Unite, Domesticated Women, This Adventure Life, Maman A Droit, Hobo Mama and Baby Dust Diaries.

Babywearing Call to Action!

(this is a picture of Penelope's very first ride in a carrier, 4 days old!)

Usually today is a yoga tutorial post, but there are many pressing things going on this week that need attention.  One is a food policy issue and the other is a babywearing issue.   Please read this post about the babywearing issue and take action.  We need you to spread the word about the recall and call your representatives.

It's bad enough that my friend almost got arrested for wearing her baby in a carrier on a recent Delta flight, but can you imagine life without the right to carry your baby?

It makes me SO FREAKING MAD, that the Consumer Product Safety Commission thinks that the actual slings are the problem. When, hello, people have been wearing their babies since THE BEGINNING OF TIME. 

Please check out this post on the TheBabyWearer.com's Facebook page to learn more about what is going on.

      (these are some of my friends, we all like to wear our babies!)

Babywearing is something near and dear to my heart.  Check out my article in the current edition of Rythm of the Home, for more of why I love babywearing.  It's an article about my trip to Morocco and how the Mama's wear their babies in that country.

I have been babywearing for 5 plus years now.  I was Nanny for several years, before I became a mother, to two little girls-sisters. Each were just a few weeks old when I started caring for them, and wearing them.  And now a mother myself, I have an arsenal of slings that get used on a daily basis.

   (family picture after a wonderful walk on the beach together, Penelope is about 6 months here)

These are the slings in my collection.  They all have different uses and purposes.  They are not in any order of favorites, I just typed as the name came to me.


Ella Roo Wrap
Ella Roo Mei Tai
Ella Roo Mei Hip
two Maya Wraps-one with padding and one older style without padding
Hot Sling
New Native Sling
Moby wrap
Petunia Pickle Bottom Sojourn Carrier
Petunia Pickle Bottom TourGuide Carrier
Taylor Made Mesh Sling (for use in the pool or shower, or very hot locals)
Pathfinder Backpack Carrier

and I have an Ergo and a Sakura Bloom Ring Sling on my wish list!

Wearing my daughter is a life savor for so many different reasons.  It enables me to get more things done around the house and helps me have a stronger bond with her.  I can't really explain it, but there is nothing like it in the world, when you have a baby snuggled up on your chest in a wrap or sling.  You feel their heartbeat and know they feel yours.  Walking around with a baby in a carrier gives me and my daughter the deep, eternal feeling that all is right with world because your baby feels unconditionally loved by the action of being held and being worn, as mothers and babies have been doing since the beginning of time.

 

                                                (even Grandpa's can babywear!)


Here is the original AventuresInBabywearing.com Call to Action.  If you have a blog write a post and link up and then spread the word.  If you dont have a blog, post this link and others on your FB page!

Here is the Code Name: Mama blog post, she has some great links for more information about the CPSC and the Baby Carrier Industry Alliance.

Here is a link to the Baby Carrier Industry Alliance Facebook Page.  Please visit and like their page!

And lastly, if you do what I am asking you to do, let me know in the comment section and it will be an additional entry into the current giveway of the Pentunia Pickle Bottom Sojourn Carrier.

Petunia Pickle Bottom Sojourn Sling Review, Tutorial and Giveaway!!

Drum roll, please! I am very excited to announce our latest giveaway!

The Sojourn Sling from Petunia Pickle Bottom!! I am giving away the one above, in the picture, the fabric is called Moment in Morocco. Isn't is stunning?! It's a size medium and will fit a Mama with a shirt size of m-l. It has a bit of stretch in the fabric, so even if you are the larger end, it will fit. I wear a size 40E bra and wear a M to L shirt and it fits fine and has room for Penelope to grow.  If you are smaller, you can very easily take it in and hem the seam to make the sling shorter in length to fit.

To enter, go to Petunia Pickle Bottom's website and browse around then leave a comment below telling me what you love!  You can win additional entries by posting on Facebook or Twitter, or on your blog,  or become a Fan on the Mama and Baby Love Facebook page.  For each entry leave a separate comment.  A winner will be randomly selected on October 27th.

They also sent one for me to try out and review. Let me tell you, I am pretty in love with my Maya Wrap, Ella Roo Wrap and my New Native sling, so the Sojourn Sling had stiff competition going up against my other beloved carriers-carriers that I have been using for 5 plus years ( I was nanny before I became a mother).

The Sojourn Sling takes the cake, hands down in the style department. I mean, look at these other fabric options!!! This one, Dancing in Dublin, or this one, Frockling in Fez, make my heart go pitter-patter! And we all know how much I like things to be matchy-matchy, so with these slings, you have the option of get any kid of Petunia Pickle Bottom diaper bag to match!

In the function department, its neck and neck with my Maya Wrap. The Maya Wrap has a slight edge over the Sojourn Sling, because I am able to sort of hog tie Penelope very tightly, in the Maya Wrap. So when I am cooking I put her arms in side the sling and tighten it up and it keeps her little arms safe inside while I cook.  Other than that, I like the Sojourn Sling just as much, if not better, because you don't have to adjust anything!! You just throw it on and off you go.

The New Native sling I have is similar in cut to the Sojourn Sling, except the Sojourn Sling has a bit of stretch to it. So you can get a better, snugger fit with the Sojourn Sling.

And last, but not least, its ORGANIC COTTON! The fabric that is touching your little ones skin all day, not only looks beautiful, its good for their health and the earth. Ah, you couldn't ask for a better sling than this one!

Seriously, if you are pregnant and trying to figure out what kind of sling to get, get this one in your collection, no question about it. If you are new to babywearing and not sure where to start, START HERE (and be sure to check out my tutorial below!) If you are an old pro, (ahem, like me) and want to try something new and fabulous, buy one!

I am starting to feel like I sound like raving lunatic, so I will end my rave review here, but I am just so impressed with this sling. It hard to find one that is this gorgeous and actually functions they way you need it to.

Now on to the picture and video tutorial!

Step 1. Line up your sling flat, seam down at the bottom.  Place on arm like so.  You can wear the sling on either shoulder, makes no difference.

Then put it over whatever shoulder you want and get it nice and straight. The seam is by your hip.  I actually use the sling, a bit different than the directions that came with sling, fyi.  This is what works for me.  You can also look online, here and here for more tutorials.

Then hike your babe up by your shoulder.  Bring the fabric out and around them, tucking their feet inside.  Then slowly lower them down.

As you lower them down, open up the sling, and make a little pouch/shelf for their bum. And pull the fabric up to cover up their arms.  They will be able to easily take their arms out if they want to.

And ta-da!  Happy Baby!

Check out the same tutorial in video, below.  Let me know if you have any questions!



And P.S. this is the kind of  Pentunia Pickle Bottom diaper bag I have and I LOVE it. It makes my tired, frumpy ass feel very glamorous. I have both the Cosmopolitan Carry All and the Cameo Clutch.

P.S.S.If you are local, there is no one in town selling these slings, so you have to buy them online.  If you do, please purchase one from one of the links below and send a few pennys my way to add to Penelope's Ivy League College Fund!  Thanks!

What Safe Co-Sleeping Looks Like

Well, at least for us.

Its been quite the process for us to finally figure out something truly safe once Penelope became mobile. When she was a tiny baby, and couldn't move, we never thought twice about leaving her in our bed alone to nap.

When she started rolling over, I made a wall of pillows on one edge of the bed. I tucked pillows along the entire side of the bed under a fitted sheet. And that worked for awhile.

Then when she first started crawling, I thought the wall of pillows would be enough of a barrier to keep her from crawling off the bed, since she always made noise when she wakes up and I come in the room before she is fully awake.

But all it takes is one time.

And one time when she was about 7 months old, she woke up and didn't make a peep and crawled right off the damn bed and fell, oh, about 3 feet to the floor. She cried hysterically for about a minute, but she was totally fine. She crawled off the side that didn't have pillows- I had only done one wall of pillows because when I am in bed with her, I am the "wall" to the other side. It hadn't occurred to me that she would ever wake up without a peep and crawl way over to the other side of our king size bed and keep going.

Parenting Fail #1.

So then I thought, well I just need to do a wall on the other side, problem solved.

Then she woke up again, without a peep and crawled OVER the wall. This time hitting her head on the side of the bed on the way down, giving her a deep blue/green bruise on her cheek.

Parenting Fail #2.

After that we took the bed apart and put the mattress on the floor. At the time our house was on the market and I needed to keep the house show ready at all times, so we left the box spring underneath to make the bed look not so much like it was a mattress on the floor. So with the box spring and the mattress, the height of the bed this way, was about a foot and half. Then I lined the floor surrounding the perimeter of the mattress with pillows, so in case she crawled off she fell onto a pillow.

Then she crawled off the bed and hit the floor and managed to miss the safety pillows entirely. She screamed hysterically, because this time she fell on her back and it knocked the wind out her and scared the crap out of her.

Parenting Fail #3.

So then we took the box spring away and truly just had the mattress on the floor. If you know me, you know I like to keep a perfect house. Things must be in their place and tidy. Having a mattress on the floor, is so not my style. But I have given up in name of Safety. We also immediately started teaching her how to get on her belly and slide off the bed if she wanted to get off. I still worry she is going to take a nose dive, even though its only 6 inches off the floor, but most of the time she gets on her belly and scoots down like a pro.

But then she started being able to stand by herself and she wanted to practice her skills in the middle of the night. At 3am, she would crawl to a spot and stand, then crawl to another spot and stand. In my exhaustion, I just didn't feel like wrestling with her to keep her in one spot, so eventually she crawled off the bed.

Again.

This time, even though, its was a very short distance to the floor, she hit her head on the night stand, that was still butted up against the mattress in my futile attempt to keep our bedroom looking like a normal bedroom, as she tumbled off the edge.

Parenting Fail #4.

Now the night stands are on the far corners of the room. And there is two feet of space in between the mattress and the night stands on each side.

If you are co-sleeping, save your self a whole lot of trouble and Parenting Fail moments and just put the mattress on the floor, with no box spring, with nothing close by, as soon as the baby starts rolling over!

P.S. There are lots of other ways to co-sleep safely, like side car-ing a crib, but this is what works for us. I am by no means an expert on safe co-sleeping, just simply sharing our experience.

For more safe co-sleeping tips check out Attachment Parenting International's website.

Elimination Communication

We have decided to try Elimination Communication in our house.  Err...I mean with Penelope (although Peter and I do communicate about our elimination, it goes like this, "I need to PEE! Right NOW! Can you PLEASE hold the baby!?!")

I never dreamed I would be participating in something like this.  I am about as crunchy and earthy of a mama as it gets, but EC seemed like too much. Too gross for one. I had images in my head of what it would be like, similar to the scene in the recent movie, Babies, where the African mom is wiping poo from her newborn's butt on her knee, then scraping the poo off with an old corn cob.

Um, no thanks.

I will stick to cloth diapers, thankyouverymuch.

And when my dear friend approached me and said she would be doing it with her daughter. I thought, well good for you, but its not for me.

Insert foot in mouth and today I have done a 180.  I am falling in love with EC.  Also known as Early Infant Potty training, or Elimination Timing,  or Natural Infant Hygiene. It's basically learning to communicate with your child about when they need to go.  Just like you know their signs for when they are hungry or tired, babies give "tells" or signs that they are about to eliminate.   Don't get me wrong.  Its hard work.  And requires absolute 100% attention to your child.  But just like anything that is hard work, the rewards you reap from it make it worth the while.

What sold me on the idea was idea that doing EC makes you more in tune with your child.  I practice Attachment Parenting (ie, breastfeeding, babywearing, co-sleeping) and I thought I was about as attached and in tune with Penelope as I could be.  Once I started doing EC with her, I realized how much I tune her out and become un-aware even when I am sitting on the floor and doing nothing but playing with her.  It forces me to practice being in the moment and not think about anything else.  Notice, I said practice.  Because even though I am yoga teacher and have been using mediation in my life for quite some time, it is still very difficult for me.  My mind is constantly racing in a million directions and thinking about what I need to do next.

Instead of being in this. moment. right. now.

So that realization was pretty profound.    I realized that I had no idea what Penelope's "tells" where before she poo'd or peed.  I knew when she was pooping, but had no idea what her behavior was just before.  I am still learning her tells, but I am finding that she usually farts about a minute before she actually starts pooping or peeing.  And she tends to poop about the same time each day.  She also gets real quiet and still right before.  And I have even noticed a couple of times, she will crawl to the same spot.  I don't have it down pat AT ALL, sometimes she pees while she is getting breast milk (either through a bottle or nursing) sometime she pees 5 minutes after getting milk, sometimes as much as 25 minutes.  She seems to pee a whole bunch in the morning, after "sleeping" all night, and not as much in the afternoon.

Since I don't have her tells down pat yet, that means I am cleaning up a lot of messes.  Which doesn't really bother me, actually.  With cloth diapers I need to spray it off in the toilet before putting in the dirty bin, so its almost as much time to do that, than it is to clean up a little puddle on the floor.  It also means I have been peed on.  But I just throw the clothes or the spill mat in the laundry and go on about my day.  It does get frustrating sometimes.  I will be on the floor with her, intensely staring at her or constantly putting her on and off the potty and making the "ppppsssssss" sound and NOTHING.  Then the second I get up to do something, and I am not 100% paying attention, she pees all over her mat!!!  Not only do I have to clean up the mess, but I missed an opportunity to say "pppppsssss" while she was peeing to help her with the word/sound association (which will help her pee on command later).

We have the best success just after she gets up from a nap or in the morning.  I put her on the potty right after she gets up and make the sound.  I am usually on the potty as well and saying things like "Mama's going potty too!" I am also making the sound, and signing the sign for potty at the same time.  When she goes on the potty, she gets lots of praise and joy!  Then I dump out her little potty in the toilet, spray it down with water and then spray with an all purpose spray to kill any germs. 

I am not going to be hard core about it and I don't have a goal of being diaper free.  Instead we will do it part time, when I have engery to do it.  We will keep using cloth diapers for when are out and about, during sleep, and anytime during the day when I can not give her my full attention.  I think any little bit of EC is good, there are so many benefits to doing EC.   It's less time she is sitting in a pee diaper, and she is learning to be able to tune into her own body and notice her movements.    Hopefully, it will set the stage for real potty training and maybe make it easier or happen sooner.  There is no goal for me except to learn more about my daughter, and be more in tune and connected to her.  As long as that is happening, I am a happy mama.

Mama's Musings: The Mastery of Love

I love (no pun intended) the book The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz. I read it about 5 years ago and was blown away by it. If you haven't read it, its a must-read.

I have a 48 card deck with daily affirmations based on the book and I think I have started a new tradition. For the past couple of weeks, I have been reading one card a day to Penelope after she gets a bottle or nurses, while she is still in the mood for a cuddle.

Here's the card I read to her yesterday:

Front:
"Accept your own beauty."

Back:
"You are beautiful not matter what your mind tells you. That is a fact. If you are aware of your own beauty and accept your own beauty, the opinion of others doesn't affect you at all."

Ah, don't you wish your mother had taught you that when you were a baby? Actually, babies already know that. When they become older toddlers and children, they forget this truth, based on what they are seeing around the house. They instill their parents belief systems about themselves as their own. So really these cards are daily reminders for me. Reminders that I need accept my own beauty, in order to pass that skill along to Penelope.

Reading these cards everyday is also a nice pause, something else that helps me be present and in the moment with Penelope.

What do you think of our new tradition? Do you do anything similar?

The Fanatical Breastfeeder: Part 2

I, surprisingly, was not mad or offended when she called me fanatical for choosing to breastfeed, because I could see straight through her. She told me she didn't breastfeed, so for her to mentally and emotionally acknowledge that a mother would rationally choose to breastfeed, because it is the superior health option, in her mind, that would some how mean that she was a bad mother. Note, I said in her mind. I do not think that mother's who bottle feed with formula are less of a mother than me. I do, however, know that breast milk is better than formula as far as nutrition goes. Its a simple fact these days, with so much research, its not even a question anymore. Breast milk is better than formula. Period. Formula is not poison, and its a perfectly acceptable substitution for breast milk. But it is not the same. It is second best. But this woman, obviously felt that breastfeeding women think they are better mothers than formula feeding women, and in response to that misunderstanding, she needed to put me down in order to make herself feel better. And under anger, is always sadness. So I felt bad for her, because somewhere deep inside her, she knows that breastfeeding is better for babies and she chose not to give her babies the better option out her own need for her life to be easier. She was not willing to sacrifice personal time or rest or whatever for the sake of her children's health.

Now, again, let me be very clear here, I have nothing against mothers who bottle feed with formula (I do have an issue with formula companies and how they go into third world countries, including the US, and make it very easy for women to give up on breastfeeding.) I know for a fact, that you can meet all an infants emotional needs through bottle feeding. I was a nanny, long before I was a mother, and I continue to bottle fed Penelope my breast milk because of our situation. I call it bottle nursing. Her cheek touches my breast, so she is getting skin to skin. I did not do this with Ava and Ella (the girls I was a nanny to for 3 years), but I always held them in a cradle position when they got their bottles, and looked into their eyes. And I wore them in a wrap or sling for large portions of the day, just like I do with Penelope and they got lots of eye contact and touch through yoga and massage. I would lay down and cuddle with Ava and Ella to get them to sleep, just like I do with Penelope (but I am nursing Penelope to sleep.) So I know mothers can be just as attached to their babies and babies can feel just as loved and comforted, even if they bottle feed.

But nursing is different. It almost like it takes bonding to the next level. Not only does it meet her needs, but it meets mine. Bottle nursing, left me out of the picture. My milk would let down, but it had no where to go, and it was not a pleasant feeling to be holding a baby, have breasts full of milk but not be able to do anything about it. I remember the second day Penelope started comfort nursing. The first day was actually stressful, because I was holding my breath and afraid to move, not wanting to mess up her groove. I was also stressed that is was just a fluke and she would go back to not wanting to latch the very next day. So the second day I had relaxed. We were laying down and she was nursing to sleep. I felt my milk let down and for the first time it had somewhere to go other than to stain my shirt. I felt her pick up her sucking and swallowing. I could actually feel my milk going into her mouth and then I pictured it going into her belly. It was like I was literally, physically, giving her all my love through my warm, perfect milk. I knew she felt perfectly loved and at peace, which I know she feels when she is bottle fed my milk, but this time so was I.

Saturday Link Love: 6.19.10

This is an article about one of my local hospitals and the steps they are taking to reduce their cesarean birth rate. I applaud them for doing something, anything, but man they (as do ALL hospitals) have a long way to go to get birth back to normalcy.


This is a blog post review of another article, written by Janet Lansbury, that said the term “babywearing” is an outrage. The term is disrespectful to babies because it objectifies them."

The Fanatical Breastfeeder: Part 1

 

I have to break this up into two posts, because the subject is just too big!

This week I have been on vacation in Atlantic Beach, near Jacksonville. Penelope has received lots of attention from the other guests. One woman, struck up a conversation with me by saying how beautiful Penelope was. She went on to say that the reason she was here at the hotel, was because her daughter-in-law had just given birth six days ago and they were visiting their new grand baby. Me, being me, I responded with: "Congratulations! How is Mama and baby doing? How is breastfeeding going?" To which she replies with: "Oh, breastfeeding has been a nightmare, she can't get the baby to latch and now she is pumping all day and all night, getting no rest and she is having a hard time with her supply." I say, "I am so sorry to hear that, I know exactly how she feels, I had to pump, and in fact, I still pump 3 times a day for Penelope even though she can comfort nurse now. I remember how tired I was and how I thought, I hate all those people who say sleep when the baby sleeps, because I never could, I was always pumping." She then says, "I just don't understand why she is putting herself through all that, my daughter recently had a baby as well and she is giving her baby formula and her life is so much easier." And I replied, very casually, with not a fanatical tone in my voice, "Oh, because breastfeeding so good for the babies, what it does for their health it makes it worth it." She then says, super nasty, "Yeah, that is what all you breastfeeders say, you all are so fanatical about it. Women in my generation (she was in her mid-fifties, I'd say) didn't breastfeed and our kids turned out fine." I didn't really process quick enough that she just called me fanatical for choosing to breastfeed, so I didn't give her the response I should have. I simply switched the subject and started talking about things her daughter-in-law could do to increase her supply and left it at that.

I have thought about this poor mom all day, hoping to run into her mother-in-law again so I could offer her my left over milk stash, since I don't have a freezer here and it will go to waste. I am so mad at myself for not thinking quick enough to offer it right then and there, then she would have really thought I was a fanatical breast feeder!

While I do consider myself pretty fanatical about my determination and dedication to keep pumping in order to give Penelope my breast milk. I choose to breast feed to give Penelope breast milk for its health benefits (and for bonding, but more about that in the next post). Health benefits, discovered by massive amount of scientific research. I made an educated and informed decision to breast feed, i.e. not a fanatical one. I also don't get in people's face about it. I like to vent and share my joys about my breastfeeding experience on Facebook, but I am not wildly waving my hands in the air and yelling on a street corner to get people to breastfeed. One of the reasons I was so sad that Penelope couldn't nurse at first, is because I was excited to nurse in public. It was going to be my quiet, peaceful demonstration to the world. Part of the reason I am who I am today, is because of the positive women/mama role models I have come across in the last 10 years, not fanatics in the least. Before I even became a Doula, I was dating a guy in college, who's older sister was a total AP, BF'ing, co-sleeping mama. I saw her quietly sling her baby and breastfeed on demand. I saw how peaceful she and her baby were. I made the decision then and there, not even 20 years old then, that I was going to mother like that. She was not fanatical. She was just going on about her business and being a mother. And yet she made a huge impact on me.

Saturday Link Love

I am trying to get into the habit of getting my posts on a general schedule. Saturday's posts will be a round up of cool and interesting links I have come across that week.

This is a neat article that is about extended breastfeeding but it also has some great explanations of attachment parenting.


This is a news article about a mother who was asked to stop breast feeding in public at a mall. In protest, she later organized a nurse in. It caught my eye, because just the week before my youngest brother Eric, was at the mall with one of his army friends and they came across a mother nursing without a cover. His friend, actually said something to this mother and asked her to stop breastfeeding and got in her face about it. My brother, then made a scene and told his friend off and protected the mother's right to feed in public. When he told me, he said he just got so upset because in his mind, he pictured me nursing Penelope and having some jerk come up to me and say something. The mother was also very shocked to see this young, single male stand up for her, but was so grateful. I was SO proud of him!


Cool article about the age of natural weaning in humans. Hmmmm, it seems all these links are about breast feeding this week, not intentional!


This last one, is blog post about what to do to help ease teething pain. I liked it because I could have written it myself, it's exactly the things we did to cope with Penelope's first two teefers she got this month.